Fear

I feel like I have let fear run most of my life. Looking back, it seems as if I’ve made all of my decisions based on running away from things I think might hurt me than running towards opportunities to make me happy. When I decided to go to college, I chose a college four hours away from my hometown just so I wouldn’t have to see anyone from my old high school. When I quit gymnastics, it was because I felt like I was losing my best friend and instead of fighting for the relationship, I ran from the sport I loved. When I quit band, it was because all my friends graduated the year before and instead of trying to make new ones, I left.

Anyway, you get the picture. During these decisions, I never realized I was making my decisions based on fear, but looking back, I know that I did. The problem is that making decisions based on fear usually doesn’t do anything but cause regret. It may seem like it’s saving you from pain in the moment, but usually it just causes more heartache. Instead of facing the problem, you run from it. I wonder what my life would have been like if I had been more courageous.

Unfortunately, there’s nothing that you can do to change your past. The best thing you can do is look forward and change your future. I’ve decided that I don’t want to run anymore. I want to be able to take chances and deal with the consequences either good or bad. I want to fight for things instead of running away at the first sign of trouble.

With anything worthwhile, though, I know that it’s not going to be easy. Whenever you try to change something about yourself, there are times that you slip up and slide back into that old habit, but I’m trying to work for this. I’m tired of living in fear.

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