My Biological Clock is Ticking….

*Warning: This post contains a lot of rambling thoughts….*

Lately, I’ve been feeling a lot of pressure concerning where I’m at in life and where I feel (or where society feels, or where my family feels, or where my friends feel, etc.) I should be at in life. In some ways it feels like there are two choices I can make at this stage (almost like in the actual game of Life….you know, the Milton Bradley one?). You can either take the “Family” path or the “Career” path. Obviously I know that in real life it is definitely possible to have both, but in my little overthinking brain it feels like I have to choose between one or the other.

Should I wait to get married until my career takes off, or more realistically, until I find out what I want my career path to be? But then again, I really would like to get married to my boyfriend sooner rather than later, so maybe we should just get married and wait for a while to have kids…. But then there’s that voice in the back of my mind telling me that the earlier I have kids, the more energy I’ll have to deal with them, and I would love for my grandparents to be able to see as much of their lives as possible. So then I start doing the math in my head to decide the maximum age I should wait to have kids so that my boyfriend and I can have some alone married life time together but also so that my grandparents will also be able to enjoy them.

Wouldn’t you just love to be stuck in my head?

So, as you can probably tell, I’m a bit of an over thinker. I would much rather have my life all planned out and tied with a bow than to just sit back and let things happen. However, unfortunately, that’s not how life is, and despite my best efforts to set a 10 year plan for my life it almost never happens that way. So, lately I’ve been having to learn this lesson the hard way. Luckily, my boyfriend happens to be the complete opposite and settles me down when I start planning out our retirement home.

The truth is that a lot of the times we don’t have control over life like we think we do. Although it might be nice to have kids at a certain age or get married in your early twenties like the Buzzfeed article says, that’s not always something we should rush into or feel like the world is crashing in around us if it doesn’t end up that way. After all, for every “5 Reasons Getting Married Early is the Best” article there’s also a “10 Reasons Why You Should Wait to Get Married” article right behind it.

* I hope this made a bit of sense and encouraged someone who may be dealing with the same things I am! Don’t forget to comment and follow my blog! I’d love to hear from you!! 🙂

The Waiting Room of Life

2017 was such an exciting year for me. It was the year that I decided to start focusing on my dreams and what I wanted out of life rather than what other people wanted for me. I hopped on my first plane EVER and travelled to three different continents. My boyfriend and I started thinking very seriously about our future together and the life we want with each other. I started a Instagram and YouTube for A Hint of Spring. I finished student teaching, and I started my last year of college. I went bungee jumping for crying out loud!

It was exciting and scary and adventurous and amazing and terrifying and wonderful.

And then 2018 hit, and I was confident that I would be on the same adventurous path I started….only it didn’t happen in January. Instead of starting life with my boyfriend I’m still thousands of miles away from him. Instead of inspiring high schoolers, I’m back sitting in a lecture hall. Instead of following my dreams, I’m trying my best to pass my last few classes until I graduate.

It’s been a really strange time for me, and although it may seem like I’m complaining and my life sucks, I’m really not upset. It just feels….strange. It feels like my life was running at full speed, and now it’s just stalled, and I’ve found myself “playing the waiting game” until graduation day where major life changes will begin again.

I’ve never really been a fan of waiting. I would much rather just do what I need to do and be done with it. It seems like a waste of time, so I’ve been trying to find ways to make the waiting seem more meaningful. I’ve tried new hobbies. I’ve watched new shows. I’ve tried to find new inspiration, but nothing seems to make me feel any better about waiting for the next big moment in my life.

However, the more I’ve wished that the next big moment would arrive quicker, the more I’ve realized that I’m wishing my life away. Even though this waiting period in my life is still hard and somewhat annoying, it’s a part of life, and maybe it’s there to make the other moment sweeter.

4 Reasons Why Your 20s Aren’t What You Expect

*My intentions in this post are not simply to be negative and rant-y as they may appear. Instead, I would like to use this post to show other people who may be going through the same things I am that they are not alone. That other people feel the same way even if they may not think so. I am also in no way saying that EVERYONE feels this way, so if your 20s happen to be glorious and exactly as you expected, I’m incredibly happy for you and somewhat envious of you…. SO here we go.*

When I was in high school, I had so many ideas about what my life would look like in my 20s. At the time, being in my 20s seemed so far away and out of reach. It seemed like the golden years full of freedom, adventures, relationships, and babies. In some ways, it has been that way. I’ve traveled to places I never even dreamed I would. I have an amazing boyfriend who I’m looking forward to spending a long and happy life with.

However, in a lot of ways, it has been completely different, and here’s why….

  1. Your life is no longer mapped out. Up until college, my life was incredibly mapped out. From the moment I signed up for my first advanced class in elementary school, I knew that I would go from elementary to middle school, middle school to high school, and high school to college. Even the college I went to was largely planned out. My biggest decision at the time was whether or not I should quit band and who to go to prom with. Once I got to my Freshman year I was fully convinced that the next few years would be similarly mapped out. I would find a major I was passionate about, meet the love of my life, get married right after graduation, and spend the rest of my life raising kids. Only….it didn’t happen that way. The perfect major didn’t pop out at me. The love of my life didn’t walk up with a sign saying “I’m the One.” Which leads me to my next point. doors-1767562_1920
  2. Your 20s are full of (what seems like) high stakes decisions. I was finding myself (and still find myself) faced with the seemingly huge decision of what I want to do with the rest of my life, where I want to live after, do I go for my passions or the practical job? When should I get married? SHOULD I get married? Do I even WANT kids? So many questions that seem to shape how your life will look when you hit the next decade of your life. young-791849_1920
  3. You spend much of your time alone. It seems like you’re never alone in high school. You live with your family, you have all of your friends in school with you that you grew up with, and you spend your after school hours around friends or participating in extracurricular activities. In your 20s, though, it seems like you spend much more of your time alone. You live alone for the first time. You live with people you don’t know which can be quite lonely until you get used to them. You study alone. You walk into a classroom of 300 people not knowing a single person. It can be very lonely which goes along with my next point. pinky-swear-329329_1920.jpg
  4. You don’t always have your best buddies around (or any buddies). Usually in high school you think that the friends you have then will be your friends for the rest of your life. BFFs 4ever, right? Unfortunately, for one reason or another that’s not always the case. As you get older, your paths diverge and before you know it you’re texting each other on holidays lamenting about how long it’s been since you’ve seen each other and how you HAVE to get together soon. You make new friends who’s interests and direction lines up closer to yours, and you may even meet a significant other who you spend most of your free time with.

So no, your 20s are not what you expect, but that does not mean that they are all bad, so enjoy your 20s and know that you are not alone in what you are feeling.

*Don’t forget to leave comments below to support each other, and of course don’t forget to follow my blog for more posts!

India First Impressions: Being a Minority

Everyone told me before I came to India that I would be in for a major culture shock. In a lot of ways, that was definitely true. After seventeen hours of flying, I walked up to the visa desk to get my first stamp in my passport. Although the lady at the front desk spoke English, I had a hard time understanding her accent and largely made a fool of myself trying to understand how to complete my visa. I’m fairly certain that she stamped my visa out of pure desperation to get me out of her hair.

Afterward, I grabbed my luggage and headed out of the airport to find my boyfriend who was supposed to be waiting for me. The first thing I noticed was how few people looked like me. Well…. nobody looked like me. For the first time in my life, I realized what it’s like to be in the minority. Not only in the minority, but to be the only person who looks like you. Of course, it probably didn’t help that I’m pale compared to most white people 😉 .

Throughout my first few days in Madurai, (I promise this is 100% true) every time I stepped out of the house people stopped what they were doing and stared at me. When we travelled to a smaller village, kids pointed at me and yelled at their friends to come see me (I only know this because my bf translated for me). At first, it was fun for me. I felt like a mini celebrity lol, but after a few days it felt exhausting. I just wanted to be able to blend in again.

On top of that, I had no idea what anyone was saying other than catching a few words here and there like yes and no which my bf had already taught me. Otherwise, I was completely dependent on my boyfriend translating for me. It’s amazing how blind you feel when you can’t communicate with someone. You feel handicapped in a lot of ways.

However, I think all of this has been a great experience for me. It’s always a good thing to get a new perspective on life and walk in someone else’s shoes for a little while. It’s so easy to take for granted being around people like yourself and not realize how it affects those who aren’t. It’s also so easy to take for granted even something as small as being able to understand those around you. Just something to think about the next time you encounter someone who may be struggling to learn your language or fit in with your culture.


India Update: Visas and Shots

So, as you may or may not know, I am going WAYYYY out of my comfort zone in order to visit my boyfriend’s parents and friends in India. As I have only ever been in english speaking countries, this is a lot for me, and I would like to say that I’m completely excited and not in the least bit nervous….but that’s just not true. I am incredibly nervous. Because of my anxiety, I am terrified to get back on a 24 hour flight. I’m terrified to change planes in another country. I’m terrified to meet my boyfriend’s family who may not understand what I’m saying like my own family does, and I’m terrified about being a minority when I’ve always been in the majority my entire life.

All this aside, I am excited about this opportunity too. I’m excited to experience a culture so beautiful, rich, and very different from my own. I’m excited to take this next step with my boyfriend and his family, and I’m excited about getting to see parts of the world I never in a million years thought I would.

Anyway, on to more practical things….

For the first time I have to get a visa to enter another country. I’ve heard from others that having an American passport is like owning a golden ticket because, for a lot of countries, including New Zealand, you can basically just walk into the country without having to go through an application process. Unfortunately, India isn’t one of those countries you can just walk into. I spent all last night trying to make sure I completed my visa application the correct way and feeling that split second of panic about the possibility of not being let into the country due to something wrong on my application. (Honestly, I had no idea traveling was such a process!!)

For the application, you have to upload a picture of yourself similar to what you would get for a passport application. You also have to scan parts of your passport and fill out a fairly short application stating your reasons for traveling and other information they may need on you before allowing you into their country. Hopefully I’ll get it approved sometime soon.

India also has diseases that are not so common in the US, such as malaria and dengue fever which are carried by mosquitoes. Because of that, I went ahead and made an appointment with the travel clinic at my college to make sure I was safe health-wise before I jumped across the pond. I was sad to hear that I needed two shots (I HATE shots!) which I got. One of those is still hurting pretty bad while I type this.  :/ I also found out about some preventative measures I could take for the mosquitoes.

I’ll be taking a preventative for malaria before, during, and after my visit just to be safe. There’s also this bug spray that you can buy which repels mosquitoes from your clothes and belongings, but apparently you can’t get it on your bare skin and have to wait until it completely dries before you can touch it or bring it inside….so I won’t be using that. It kind of scared me lol. I’m just going to try my luck with some safer mosquito repellants.

Basically that’s about it for not regarding India. I just have to wait until my visa gets accepted and then start packing closer to the time I have to leave!

If you want to hear more about my adventure to India, don’t forget to follow my blog! Also, if you have any tips for me, I would love to hear about them in the comments!

Quick Catch Up: College, India, and Getting Certified to Teach

So, I have pretty much been off the grid for the last month. I haven’t made any videos. I haven’t posted on Instagram, and I haven’t written anything on my blog. I’ve basically just been sitting in my room working on stuff to get certified to teach, which is a lot harder, longer, and more complicated than you think it would be. There’s like this 30 page document you have to write and submit along with two videos of yourself teaching, and that’s only one part of it. It really just takes so much out of you when you don’t have time to do the things you really enjoy and express yourself. Anyway, because of that, I’ve been incredibly busy and stressed which has affected pretty much everything else in my life, so I’m really happy to say that I finally got it finished and can get back to focusing on other things I enjoy doing like social media.

I have to say that all of that stress really took a lot out of me. I got to the point where I hated going to school everyday and having to interact with people. Since I wasn’t enjoying what I was doing, I had a really short fuse with just about everyone, including my family and my boyfriend. I had to force myself to get up in the morning and get ready for school, and there were days when I really just couldn’t and had to take personal days off to get myself mentally prepared for the next day. I know this sounds extreme, but a lot of stress can just turns you into a completely different person.

It was also worsened by the fact that I’m not 100% sure that teaching high school is exactly what I want to do with my life. Don’t get me wrong. I usually love interacting with the students and seeing the pride on their faces when they understand something they previously didn’t, but teaching can be a really emotionally draining job since you always have to be on call for the students whenever they need you. I’m just not sure it’s what I’m supposed to be doing for the rest of my life.

For someone who likes to have everything planned out and orderly, this is a really scary thought. I’m graduating next semester, and I’m still not sure what I want my life to look like afterward. For some people, like my boyfriend, this is exciting. For me, it’s terrifying.

Luckily, I have a lot of people to support me through this, and I started to see a counselor so that I could talk through some things. By the way, I highly recommend seeing a counselor if you’re going through a major transition in your life, and it’s starting to affect you. It just helps me so much to be able to talk to someone and have them listen and talk you through it. I know that, for some reason, there’s a stigma associated with going to see a counselor, but there really shouldn’t be, and it definitely shouldn’t stop you from going. Everyone needs help now and then, even if they don’t want to admit it.

Anyway, moving on to happier things. For a while now I’ve been planning to go to India in December in order to meet my boyfriend’s family. Recently I finally bought the tickets, so it’s starting to feel a lot more real. I’m incredibly excited but also really nervous. I’ve never done anything like this before. I’ve never been anywhere near India (I’ve only been to New Zealand outside of America), and although I know about the culture from my boyfriend, I still feel like I’m going to be in for a major culture shock.

I’m going to try to blog about the trip, so if you want to hear more, make sure to follow my blog!