*Warning: This post contains a lot of rambling thoughts….*
Lately, I’ve been feeling a lot of pressure concerning where I’m at in life and where I feel (or where society feels, or where my family feels, or where my friends feel, etc.) I should be at in life. In some ways it feels like there are two choices I can make at this stage (almost like in the actual game of Life….you know, the Milton Bradley one?). You can either take the “Family” path or the “Career” path. Obviously I know that in real life it is definitely possible to have both, but in my little overthinking brain it feels like I have to choose between one or the other.
Should I wait to get married until my career takes off, or more realistically, until I find out what I want my career path to be? But then again, I really would like to get married to my boyfriend sooner rather than later, so maybe we should just get married and wait for a while to have kids…. But then there’s that voice in the back of my mind telling me that the earlier I have kids, the more energy I’ll have to deal with them, and I would love for my grandparents to be able to see as much of their lives as possible. So then I start doing the math in my head to decide the maximum age I should wait to have kids so that my boyfriend and I can have some alone married life time together but also so that my grandparents will also be able to enjoy them.
Wouldn’t you just love to be stuck in my head?
So, as you can probably tell, I’m a bit of an over thinker. I would much rather have my life all planned out and tied with a bow than to just sit back and let things happen. However, unfortunately, that’s not how life is, and despite my best efforts to set a 10 year plan for my life it almost never happens that way. So, lately I’ve been having to learn this lesson the hard way. Luckily, my boyfriend happens to be the complete opposite and settles me down when I start planning out our retirement home.
The truth is that a lot of the times we don’t have control over life like we think we do. Although it might be nice to have kids at a certain age or get married in your early twenties like the Buzzfeed article says, that’s not always something we should rush into or feel like the world is crashing in around us if it doesn’t end up that way. After all, for every “5 Reasons Getting Married Early is the Best” article there’s also a “10 Reasons Why You Should Wait to Get Married” article right behind it.
* I hope this made a bit of sense and encouraged someone who may be dealing with the same things I am! Don’t forget to comment and follow my blog! I’d love to hear from you!! 🙂
2017 was such an exciting year for me. It was the year that I decided to start focusing on my dreams and what I wanted out of life rather than what other people wanted for me. I hopped on my first plane EVER and travelled to three different continents. My boyfriend and I started thinking very seriously about our future together and the life we want with each other. I started a Instagram and YouTube for A Hint of Spring. I finished student teaching, and I started my last year of college. I went bungee jumping for crying out loud!
It was exciting and scary and adventurous and amazing and terrifying and wonderful.
And then 2018 hit, and I was confident that I would be on the same adventurous path I started….only it didn’t happen in January. Instead of starting life with my boyfriend I’m still thousands of miles away from him. Instead of inspiring high schoolers, I’m back sitting in a lecture hall. Instead of following my dreams, I’m trying my best to pass my last few classes until I graduate.
It’s been a really strange time for me, and although it may seem like I’m complaining and my life sucks, I’m really not upset. It just feels….strange. It feels like my life was running at full speed, and now it’s just stalled, and I’ve found myself “playing the waiting game” until graduation day where major life changes will begin again.
I’ve never really been a fan of waiting. I would much rather just do what I need to do and be done with it. It seems like a waste of time, so I’ve been trying to find ways to make the waiting seem more meaningful. I’ve tried new hobbies. I’ve watched new shows. I’ve tried to find new inspiration, but nothing seems to make me feel any better about waiting for the next big moment in my life.
However, the more I’ve wished that the next big moment would arrive quicker, the more I’ve realized that I’m wishing my life away. Even though this waiting period in my life is still hard and somewhat annoying, it’s a part of life, and maybe it’s there to make the other moment sweeter.
*My intentions in this post are not simply to be negative and rant-y as they may appear. Instead, I would like to use this post to show other people who may be going through the same things I am that they are not alone. That other people feel the same way even if they may not think so. I am also in no way saying that EVERYONE feels this way, so if your 20s happen to be glorious and exactly as you expected, I’m incredibly happy for you and somewhat envious of you…. SO here we go.*
When I was in high school, I had so many ideas about what my life would look like in my 20s. At the time, being in my 20s seemed so far away and out of reach. It seemed like the golden years full of freedom, adventures, relationships, and babies. In some ways, it has been that way. I’ve traveled to places I never even dreamed I would. I have an amazing boyfriend who I’m looking forward to spending a long and happy life with.
However, in a lot of ways, it has been completely different, and here’s why….
- Your life is no longer mapped out. Up until college, my life was incredibly mapped out. From the moment I signed up for my first advanced class in elementary school, I knew that I would go from elementary to middle school, middle school to high school, and high school to college. Even the college I went to was largely planned out. My biggest decision at the time was whether or not I should quit band and who to go to prom with. Once I got to my Freshman year I was fully convinced that the next few years would be similarly mapped out. I would find a major I was passionate about, meet the love of my life, get married right after graduation, and spend the rest of my life raising kids. Only….it didn’t happen that way. The perfect major didn’t pop out at me. The love of my life didn’t walk up with a sign saying “I’m the One.” Which leads me to my next point.
- Your 20s are full of (what seems like) high stakes decisions. I was finding myself (and still find myself) faced with the seemingly huge decision of what I want to do with the rest of my life, where I want to live after, do I go for my passions or the practical job? When should I get married? SHOULD I get married? Do I even WANT kids? So many questions that seem to shape how your life will look when you hit the next decade of your life.
- You spend much of your time alone. It seems like you’re never alone in high school. You live with your family, you have all of your friends in school with you that you grew up with, and you spend your after school hours around friends or participating in extracurricular activities. In your 20s, though, it seems like you spend much more of your time alone. You live alone for the first time. You live with people you don’t know which can be quite lonely until you get used to them. You study alone. You walk into a classroom of 300 people not knowing a single person. It can be very lonely which goes along with my next point.
- You don’t always have your best buddies around (or any buddies). Usually in high school you think that the friends you have then will be your friends for the rest of your life. BFFs 4ever, right? Unfortunately, for one reason or another that’s not always the case. As you get older, your paths diverge and before you know it you’re texting each other on holidays lamenting about how long it’s been since you’ve seen each other and how you HAVE to get together soon. You make new friends who’s interests and direction lines up closer to yours, and you may even meet a significant other who you spend most of your free time with.
So no, your 20s are not what you expect, but that does not mean that they are all bad, so enjoy your 20s and know that you are not alone in what you are feeling.
*Don’t forget to leave comments below to support each other, and of course don’t forget to follow my blog for more posts!
I was talking to my little cousin today who is just starting her freshman year of college (how is she that old? ), so in honor of her first year (and my last one), I wanted to write this post to help/encourage any of you that may be starting their college career like her! Now, as a fifth year senior who has been to three colleges and had five majors (yeah, it’s been kind of a crazy ride) I feel like I have loads of information to share about how to make it through college, but I will cut it down to five major points. If you would like more or have any other questions, please message me! I would also love to hear any of your own experiences or advice, so leave them here as well!
- Get involved!!! Oh, how I wish I had listened to this advice when I went to college! (I probably wouldn’t have gone to three different colleges if I had lol) College is full of so many opportunities, so try and make the most of them. When I moved to the college I am at now, my friend convinced me to tryout for rowing with her (even though I had never rowed a day in my life or knew what it was), and we ended up making it! It was one of the best decisions of my college career because it brought me out of my shell and gave me some pretty awesome experiences I never would have had otherwise. Don’t let fear keep you from trying everything out! The worst that could happen is that it’s not for you. Even then just try something else out! I promise you won’t regret it!
- Go to class. Let me just go ahead and tell you now, it is REALLY easy to skip class in college. Most of my professors didn’t care if I was in class or not, and you don’t have parents there to make you go. Just don’t do it. Once you start skipping, it’s really hard to stop, and I promise you that your grade will be much better if you go. Without a doubt, every class where I skipped classes I ended up getting a grade that was worse than I could have gotten. Eventually, you’ll regret it.
- Be yourself and allow yourself to make new friends. I have to say this is the biggest regret I have about college. I was going through a lot at the time, and instead of allowing myself to make new friends, I desperately tried to hang on to the ones I already had. Now, there’s nothing wrong with keeping up with your high school friends, but you have to allow yourself room to grow. Most people change a lot in college, and before I knew it, I hardly recognized the old friendships I had. Unfortunately, by the time I recognized that we had grown apart, it was already my last year of college, and it was hard to start over.
- Recognize the signs of depression and anxiety. This one is a bit sadder than the rest, and hopefully you will never have to experience this, but the facts are that a lot of people become depressed in college. I know so many people who have gone through it, and it’s so important that you recognize the signs in yourself or your friends and get help. There’s no reason that anyone should have to go through college depressed when there are so many resources to help. Make sure you know the options that the school offers for dealing with depression (most have counselors available especially for this purpose), and above all do not feel ashamed about it. It’s something many people go through, so you are not alone. I promise getting help is better than trying to deal with it alone. 🙂
- Enjoy college!!! Above all, your college years are short, so have fun with them! You’ll learn and grow so much in these four years, and it’s so important that you try and make the most of them. There will most definitely be hard times, but you are not alone. The important thing is to keep getting back up!
All the best!! 🙂